Wednesday, October 29, 2008

HA HA Halloween

So, Halloween party time. Life being what it is, we've slacked hard this year. Not just me personally, not just the dubious denizens of Edgehill House, but the whole lot of us.

Some background; we have a Halloween party every year, have been for over a decade. Sometimes it turns into a huge bash with a lot of people we don't even know wandering around asking random people if they have any drugs, sometimes it's just the usual suspects (our group of friends that stays up late drinking beer on my back porch, bothering the hell out of my Morman neighbors who, quite frankly, put up with quite a bit of noise). This is looking like a Usual Suspects sort of gathering.

It's crunch time. It's looking like all party preparation will take place on Halloween proper, the night before the party. This is not a tragedy. In fact, it's par for the course. This we can do. The pickle is costumes. Money is tight (thank you very much, gas-station-toilet economy), so we can't just go out and buy some fancy getups. Not that we're the types to do that anyway. This situation reminds me a lot of being in college and not doing a project that was assigned months earlier. It's time to get creative, from the Latin "crea" ("cheap") and "ative" ("the special sort of genius that can only be inspired by waiting until the last possible minute because you are essentially a stressed-out slacker." Latin is very expressive.)

Last night one of my friends (this year's party host) and I were talking about our level of slack-assiness. We did what all good citizens do when things go awry; we found a scapegoat. Sorta. Current Wisdom is blaming our lack of initiative on not getting into a properly Halloweenie state of mind on our failure to go check out anything Haunted.

Last year we got to go to Moundsville State Prison. They do this big haunted house there every year. The attractions and such aren't scary, though those things never are. (Helpful Hint; when going to a haunted anything you can boost the fun by imagining that one of the sets will turn out to be real because no one thinks to do background checks on these things and one of the carny types they hired is actually America's Next Top Psychokiller). The building itself is terrifying though. And none of us will ever forget the visceral horror of stopping on the way to eat at a restaurant that was half KFC and half something else, maybe Burger King. That place was like the Amityville horror, complete with hordes of flies buzzing around and a weird kid walking up to our table and sticking his nose in my Mountain Dew.

I digress.

Anyway, we didn't do anything fun. No haunted prisons, mental hospitals...not even a haunted hayride. I didn't even make it into the good Halloween store (the Illusive Skull; dig it) because my daughter wanted to go with me, up until the point that we opened the door and she got a load of what's going down in there.

This is not the time to give up. Like a flagging McCain, we're sticking to it. Grimly marching down the skull-paved road, hellbent that we will be rocking this town inside out on All Saint's Day, we persevere.

This is Halloween. La la la.

Finally, and about time too.

So, it's been a hella long time since I've posted anything. I'll come clean - I couldn't remember what my password or username were. I made my first post after the bakery my wife worked in closed down due to gross incompetence. I was mad, vented, and forgot all about it.

I do like the idea of having a blog, so I thought I'd try yet again to log in. Then I got the bright idea to click the send me an email button and lo! behold! There it was. So now I'm back. And since I wasn't really planning an entry, I'm going to tell you about a conversation I had at work Monday night.

I work with one guy we'll call Commander Crazy. The Commander is a very conservative Republican, one of those mysterious types who still likes President Bush. So it's understandable why he's so upset at the current state of affairs in the polls. I don't know why I try to talk to him about these things. He invariably starts yelling, no matter how conciliatory a tone I take. Monday he started telling me crazier things than usual, to whit: 1. Barak Obama is actually Karl Marx. 2. If elected, Barak Obama will spark a civil war, this time between the formerly rich and the undeserving poor that Obama gave all the money to. 3. If we know what's good for us, we'll all buy and bury automatic weapons in our yards.

I didn't know what to say to this guy. He went on and on about how some people in this country don't want socialism. I think he's missing the main point. Not everyone wanted a conservative president, nor did everyone want the religious right to have so much sway in government in the last few decades either.

This is why we have elections.

Whichever person you'd like to become president, whatever policies you want to see or avoid seeing - you have a chance to vote. This armed insurrection talk is crazy. Things didn't go all Mad Max when conservatives held sway. I was alive during Jimmy Carter's administration, and I don't remember rioting in the streets. Voting is sort of a great power, and with it comes the inevitable and cliche great responsibility; if your candidate loses, suck it up. You get another chance every four years. Part of being an American is knowing that your team won't win every single time. Part of being an adult is learning to cope with losing.

And, while I'm at it a few parting shots:

Barak Obama is not Karl Marx.

Democrats do not, in fact, drink blood for sustenance. That's just a personal habit, not one due to political affiliation.

If your candidate loses and you immediately think of starting or participating in a second American civil war, then you might want to seek some therapy, strong mood elevators, or at the very least a Coke and a smile. Bitches.