Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Oh, the Horrors!

Just yesterday I watched the death of a three year relationship. I was sitting in my car, watching through the window as the two people yelled at each other in the Final Confrontation. Normally pasty jowls blazed bright crimson as they flapped in the wind, pudgy fingers waving in consternation contrasting nicely with an olive skinned sculpture of restraint, quivering with the urge to reach out and smite the spokesperson for inadequacy and generally nincompoopery. I say spokesperson because the other person involved stayed in his car and let his wife do all the talking for him. Which is the perfect illustration of why something that ran along nicely for years utterly failed under his reign. If I were the kind of person to call someone else a pussy, this would be the A-1 winner every time. Anyway, back to the dissolution. It was pretty good. Afterward I wanted to follow them around for a little while, but T dissuaded me and we went out and had some Chinese food instead.

I wisely didn't talk to these people, because my child was in my backseat and I didn't have anything to say that wouldn't exacerbate the situation anyway. Still, it will just be all the sweeter when, someday, I have the chance to sit behind the Quivering Jowl and her husband (we'll call him the Listless Chin) in a movie theatre and ruin the whole night for them. I can see it now, their drive home.

QJ: Why didn't you do something?
LC: Why didn't I do something? Why didn't you do something? You know I can't talk unless you take your hand and wear me like a puppet!
QJ: I just can't believe you let someone "wet willie" you and didn't say anything...

NOTE: A wet willie is when you lick your finger and then stick it into someones ear.

Anyway, it's all over and done with now. I'm thankful that these people are no longer a factor in our lives. Well, most of our lives; I'll still be interested in their continued epic failures. Maybe I'll see them under a bridge soon, pints of Ben & Jerry's clutched in their thick fat fingers instead of bottles of Magnum.

It's the little things in life that make me happy.

No comments:

Post a Comment